Gives you hell

I’ve got so many things to say. I don’t know if I can get all of them out.

First, I still don’t have a cellphone. My father is too thrifty. I am thrifty, but he is just too thrifty, and it’s annoying. I get depressed sometimes—not just because I don’t have a cellphone (though maybe that’s part of it), but the main issue is that they don’t give me things I like. I mean, I may not be the best daughter, but I behave—or I pretend to behave—the way they like. I don’t go anywhere past 9:00 p.m., I have good grades… so I guess I deserve a reward.

I don’t have internet at home. I go to computer shops every time I need to. And if you don’t know, my course is Business I.T., so I really need internet access! I don’t ask them for money to buy clothes, CDs, or books—I use all my own savings. As of now, I only have 20 bucks left. I just bought Bob Ong’s Kapitan Sino. I really want to get Paulo Coelho’s Veronika Decides to Die. When we were at National Book Store, I told my mom that I liked that book. She said she would buy it for me when it’s "salary time." Well, it’s almost August, and she told me that back in July. Damn it. I cry every time the cellphone issue comes to mind.

I am about to graduate this March, and I’m already planning my future. I told myself that I’ll apply to a call center because the salary is quite high. If I get around 10,000 to 20,000 pesos for my first job, I’ll give 5,000 to my parents, and the rest will be for my luho and maybe a little savings. With my first salary, I will buy the latest cellphone! I know I said before that I could live without one—and I still can—but it’s different now. I want something I’ve never had. I will also save some money for my "laptop fund." I hate my current laptop—REALLY!! DAMN IT!!

I’m also planning to go abroad, maybe anywhere in Asia or Europe. I also said before that I wouldn’t work abroad, but things change, and I am changing, too. I want to go abroad primarily not just to earn dollars, but because I want to be independent. A couple of years ago, I said I wasn't ready to go anywhere because I'd be away from my family and my favorite bands. But I said that when I was still young and thinking of stupid things. Now I am 19. I am much more mature than before.

A lot of notable people died this year—and we’re only halfway through it. Francis M., Michael Jackson, and now Cory Aquino. It made me realize that a lot of things can happen that we never expect. We are losing more and more iconic people who helped us rediscover words like Pinoy Pride, Democracy, and other values we wouldn't have learned without them.