Manila and its unknown part

I thought I didn’t like the Manila episode of Parts Unknown. It is not the usual Anthony Bourdain show that I know and love . I thought that they featured few Filipino dishes and focused on the slums area knowing it is a travel and food show.

But I pondered and finished the whole episode. I don't want to accept the fact that I cried on the last part of the show. The good thing is, I learned that I'm not the only one.

They featured on why Filipinos are so damn caring. They did that by focusing on Overseas Filipino Workers. They show how we love balikbayan boxes and that OFWs will throw anything they have in that big box. That inside of the box is worth of thousands of sweat and tears. We have the box so we can have a piece of them because they are miles away.

Filipinos are so damn caring because our government is a trash and we only have one another to take care of each other.

We learn to be strong inspite of the wildest storm, we learn to be brave inspite of the wildest monsters, we learn to sing in the midst of difficulties.

That's the Filipino spirit...

Thank you Anthony and staff for showing the entire world that Filipinos should be known not only because of Manny Pacquiao, but because of the Filipino spirit we possess.

Thank you Anthony Bourdain 💚💜💙 continue to do that with other countries so a part of them will not be unknown anymore.

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Ely Buendia Greatest Hits Dec 2015

This is late post but I just like to post this. So I went to Ely Buendia's greatest hits at Robinson's Galleria with my brother. We were so thrilled that he sang some rare songs like Fruitcake and Christmas Party.  It's one of happiest Ely in concert I've seen. He made jokes like "Music pa more? Or should I say great music pa more?" During Christmas Party, he let us stand and be near at the stage. I was able to hold his hand.. That's one of the highlights of my 2015. Sorry, if it is shallow, but I am a fan since God knows when so pardon me for being a fan girl :)

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Sending to the Universe

Just sending this to the universe. Just releasing this from my chest.

Do I really have this aura or personality that makes people uninterested in me?

Girls say I’m pretty, but I don’t feel it. Actually, I think it’s okay that nobody wants me—I’ve been living alone for 25 years. I just feel bad because everyone around me seems to get attention from people, while here I am in the corner, as always, watching everyone else be happy and feel loved. I know I am loved—I’m not questioning that—but it’s not the kind of love that I see around me.

I am such a loser for overthinking this moment that happened a couple of days ago. This guy—he's one of the cutest guys in our company—we always joke around. When he saw me at the door, he waited for me to come out and gave me the most pacute look and stare he could give. It’s a good thing I’ve practiced making a poker face. Well, I hope I didn’t show how kilig I actually was with that look he gave me. Damn you!

I know there isn't the slightest chance that we will be together, and I don’t want to assume he likes me either. Please don’t be too pacute. I am dying inside, wondering if there’s even the tiniest chance that he has a crush on me—if that’s even possible. Well, normal-looking guys don't seem interested in me, so how could a cute, handsome guy have a crush on me when he has unlimited access to the prettiest and hottest girls? I can’t and won’t compete with that. I’ll just tell myself he’s never met a girl who wears a Stormtrooper shirt and keeps Darth Vader and Marge Simpson LEGOs on her desk, and that’s why he’s giving me this attention that I secretly, badly need.

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Acceptance

Today I accept myself. Well, sort of.

If I don’t let myself be exposed to other people, and guys don’t make an effort to know this elusive girl, then… I need to accept the fact that I am not meant to be with someone else. If my characteristics don’t change and I can’t find someone who matches my social weirdness, then I need to accept that I will do these things alone: traveling, going to art fairs, visiting bookstores, and going to gigs. God made me to be alone since He thought that I’m completely okay with it—or at least, that’s how I perceive myself.

Well, I bought a scarf and I have three succulents, so now I have an old maid starter pack. I accept that I won’t have any kids. Sorry egg cells, but I don’t need you 😢. I accept that I might not feel the kind of love I’m hoping for 😩. I accept that I am a pathetic loser 😫. Admitting this—even only in written form—hurts pala! 😭

Thank you, N, for shaking my head a while ago. I think that’s just what I needed to stop this madness inside my head. The crazy thoughts of you and me are just lingering inside my brain. THANK YOU VERY MUCH! Because of you, I realized these things. And J, yes, you are right—you should pat yourself on the back since I followed you on Instagram. Isang karangalan talaga 'yun... This is a risky step for me, exposing myself to you. I don’t like you, but I like N, hoping that you will tell him what my Instagram looks like. Or maybe following you is a first step for me to expose myself to other people. Hay, you can’t blame a girl for trying, ika nga…

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