I'm drunk I love you

So, okay. I seldom watch Filipino movies. It’s not about being an elitist or whatever—you'll catch my interest when a movie is political or historical. I also love it when a film has a great soundtrack. I loved Ang Nawawala, and I watched The Breakup Playlist simply because so many real musicians were in it.

Then there’s I'm Drunk, I Love You. They used "Burnout" in it, which is one of my all-time favorite songs. That alone was enough advertising for me. They used it because it truly summarizes the entire movie:

“O, kay tagal din kitang minahal...”

Well, seven years to be exact. Carson has been in love with her best friend, Dio, for seven years. But it's an unrequited love.

The story is so simple yet so good—well, maybe that's just for me. The acting is so natural. Plus, the actor who played Gibson in Ang Nawawala [Dominic Roco] plays Jason Ty, Carson's gay best friend. He’s the one who always says “time check” to snap Carson out of her stupidity when it comes to love.

They go to La Union for a music festival. I love the simple, relatable moments that make it feel so realistic—like when they arrive, and Carson and Jason Ty go out for a drink while Dio stays in the hotel room to sleep because he drove for hours. Or when Carson lists all the foolish things she did each year starting from 2008. But the next morning, she sees Dio with "Pathy with an H." Pathy is his ex, and they are trying to rekindle their relationship.

I'm Drunk, I Love You is a tale of two best friends where one falls in love and the other just can’t feel the same way. My favorite scene is when Carson finally tells Dio she loves him. She bargains with herself, wishing Pathy would just stay in the restroom for five minutes so she can look at him and cherish those final moments, knowing that everything will change after that night.

In the end, they visit the bar where they usually hang out, but it’s closed because it’s a Sunday. There is a long silence between them. But when Carson starts to laugh, they begin talking again, and "Burnout" starts playing—drowning out their dialogue so we can't hear what they're saying.

Well, here is their actual conversation according to the creator of the movie:

In the end, I thought there might still be a chance between the two of them. I was confused by the final scene where they were in the car, just being sweet to each other. I wasn't sure if it was a video recorded before or after Carson said "I love you."

But it seems to be a video of their sweet moments from when they were first starting out as friends—especially now that I know what was said during that inaudible conversation.

Carson will move on. Dio doesn’t love her.

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Ultracombo

Photos grabbed from Roxanne Nebres

Jan. 19, 2019 — still my birthday.

I had just seen an Instagram post about the UltraCombo gig that morning. Since it was my birthday and I had no plans for the evening, I decided to celebrate by going to Eton Centris to see three of the four Heads live.

I’ve never seen the Eraserheads together, so this was the closest thing to the real deal. I’ve been to Ely Buendia’s solo concerts, but even though he was their lead vocalist, it’s still not the Heads. Well, UltraCombo isn't the Eraserheads either, but there is still something unique about the chemistry between the three of them that makes you just want to watch and listen to them play.

It brought me so much joy seeing Buddy look over at Rayms, or watching Buddy smile whenever Marcus messed up the lyrics. I love watching Rayms on the drums—it must be so hard to sing while drumming, but every time he hits the cymbals, he gives it his all. And Marcus... well, Marcus is Marcus. He isn't the best vocalist in town, but damn, those guitar riffs!

The concert was pure nostalgia. I realized I knew the lyrics to every single song they performed—yep, even the rap part of "Superproxy." That’s how big of an Eheads fan I am.

They kicked off the set with "Overdrive." From the very first note, I got goosebumps. The whole event felt like a massive karaoke session with three of the Heads playing their biggest hits. Raymund Marasigan and Marcus Adoro alternated on lead vocals, while Buddy Zabala provided backing vocals. Their setlist was packed with sing-along classics like "Sembreak," "Minsan," "Pare Ko," "Ligaya," and "Magasin." Most of the tracks were upbeat, keeping the crowd jumping and dancing along.

Sure, there were a few mistakes—missed cues and forgotten lyrics—but that’s completely forgivable because, well, they are legends. Besides, the slip-ups were hilarious, like when Marcus forgot the words to "Harana" or sang, “Ilang tansan pa ba ang kakain oh giliw ko? Ilang isaw pa ba ang iipunin oh giliw ko?”

I couldn’t help but jump, raise my hands, and sing along. At one point, Rayms shouted, “Put your fucking cellphones down. Walang ganyan nung '90s!” I had recorded a few snippets earlier, but I put my phone away because I just wanted to feel Rayms' drums, Buddy's bass, and Marcus' guitar riffs. When they played "Ang Huling El Bimbo," I closed my eyes, sang my heart out, raised my hands, and thought: Damn, it’s my birthday. I’m glad to be alive, and I’m so glad I decided to come to this gig.

It was a night to remember—definitely in my top 5 best gigs ever. The crowd energy was amazing, too. I still hold out hope for a full reunion concert someday. It’s every '90s kid’s dream. I was just a baby when they were originally together, but this mini-reunion was more than enough for me. I hope they keep making music, even if it’s not under the name Eraserheads—because damn, they are legendary. One in a million. UltraCombo.

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Discovering the unknown

I am still processing the news I heard last night. Anthony Bourdain died by suicide.

Suicide.

I still can’t accept the reality. This is Anthony—the badass chef I’ve had a crush on since college. The person we all thought had the best job in the world. The guy we saw as strong, brave, and seemingly untouched by sadness or depression.

Anthony, the no-BS traveler who would tell you to your face if something was wrong. He was the voice of the underdogs—the guy who opened my eyes to the world of travel. He showed me that you shouldn’t be too scared to go out, search, and experience the unknown.

Anthony, the guy who taught me so much, like:

Be open-minded about other people’s food and culture. Study history. Have an opinion on the current political climate. Ask questions—ask questions even if it’s forbidden. Curse. Say "fuck you" when you need to. Fight for what you think is right. Be the voice of reason. Eat. Experience food emotionally, like a child. Taste food and make it an earth-shattering experience. Meet people. Make an impact.

Anthony, you had your reasons, and I will respect them, even though I may never understand. If you could only see people’s reactions to your passing... you touched so many of our lives. Maybe your job here was done. You got tired. You deserve rest.

Anthony, I can picture you raising your middle finger as you enter the other side. This time, I think there are no Parts Unknown anymore.

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The noise of Citizen Jake

Before watching Citizen Jake, I told myself I needed to see other works by Mike De Leon. Batch '81 is one of the best films I’ve ever seen. I had already seen Sister Stella L., and then, a few hours before watching CJ, I stumbled upon Kisapmata and understood why it’s such an iconic film. Released in the '80s, it introduced us to new ideas and concepts that were never tackled in mainstream cinema back then.

Fueled by enthusiasm and eager to see another great Mike De Leon film, I watched Citizen Jake alone at Glorietta. Well, I wasn't entirely alone, since I saw a few familiar faces. I saw the St. Scho nuns, led by Sister Mary John Mananzan—a famous activist nun.

I’m quite sad that the theater wasn't that full. If I'm not mistaken, I was one of the youngest people inside the cinema, and I'm already 28. So, that wasn't a great sign for the film's turnout.

Another thing is that there seems to be a rift between Mike and Atom Araullo. You can check Citizen Jake’s official Facebook page to know more about Mike’s rants.

People should watch this film. This is Mike’s bravest and most political movie yet. He still has that signature "shock value." He lambasted the Marcoses, Duterte, and almost everyone in politics with iconic lines like “election na naman, new set of assholes.” That kind of bold commentary is a rare thing to see in movies nowadays.

Though there are things that I don’t quite get. There are too many things happening around Jake Herrera and his family: a corrupt and violent father and brother, the disappearance of his mother, and too many family secrets. Plus, his relationship with his girlfriend, Mandy; a murdered prostitute; a local election; and his career.

Atom’s portrayal of Jake is hit-or-miss. His dialogue and some of his argument scenes seem a bit too rehearsed (mostly when he is with his father and brother). They also look and sound unnatural.

But in the very intense and dramatic scenes—like (spoilers ahead!) when he learns that Jonie (Adrian Alandy), his best friend, has been working with his brother by feeding him secrets—he is deeply enraged, and Atom's performance becomes really convincing. Another scene is when he discovers that his caretakers, Jonie’s parents, knew about his mother's disappearance all along; you can really see the emotion in his eyes.

The rest of the cast members are really commendable. I never thought Max Collins would be this good in the film. I’d only ever known her from her comedic roles on Bubble Gang—you know, the usual hot girl belittling the likes of Diego. You get my point.

I’d even say that, at times, she completely overshadows Atom. Take the scene where Mandy finds her mentee, Grace, dead: she’s standing right beside Atom, but you won’t even notice him. Your eyes go straight to Max, and you get completely carried away by her acting. Max brings out the raw emotion that Atom can't quite deliver when a scene begs for it—though, in one of his final scenes, Atom does manage a single tear falling from his left eye.

Gabby Eigenmann and Atom’s scenes together are hilarious. I couldn't help but laugh whenever Gabby brought up The Godfather. He has truly mastered the art of playing an antagonist—I get irritated just seeing his face.

Like Gabby, another antagonist you'll love to hate is Cherie Gil, who brings her signature Lavinia Arguelles attitude to the role. She plays a former mistress of Ferdinand Marcos who now acts as a pimp for various politicians.

The supporting cast—including Adrian Alandy, Dina Bonnevie, Teroy Guzman, and Lou Veloso—also adds great depth to the movie.

As people usually say, Filipinos tend to forget the past. Citizen Jake reminds us of what happened when we were under strongman rule. Well, we are beginning to experience it again: the Marcoses finding ways to return, Duterte’s dictator-like tendencies, and the collateral damage from the fight against drugs.

You may not agree with everything the movie tells you, but as Teroy Guzman said, “It’s dangerous to be outspoken, but it’s more dangerous to stay quiet.”

Citizen Jake is the noise Mike De Leon and his team are making. Let’s listen. Let’s think. Let's try to prevent history from repeating itself.

Photos grabbed from Citizen Jake facebook account.

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The XXperience

I woke up feeling so excited for the day. I will be watching The xx! OH MY GOD.

I have been watching local bands since college, but most of the time it was at malls where entry was free. I can count on my fingers the times I’ve actually bought tickets to a concert.

This is also the first time I’ll be watching an international act. Well, maybe not actually the first time—I think I’ve caught a few international artists performing in Glorietta or somewhere before, but it wasn’t for anyone I really followed.

Back in 2013, The xx came here. I was really planning to go since the venue was near my office, but it was a Tuesday and it fell on a payroll day, so I couldn’t make it.

Fast forward to 2018: I bought Patron C tickets at the World Trade Center, right near my place. Everything was falling into place—it was a Wednesday, and it wasn’t a payroll day for me.

So, I went alone without eating or bringing a drink. I thought they would sell food at the venue, but no—only beer was available. So there I was, standing near the bleachers on an empty stomach. The show was supposed to start at 8:00 PM, but for some reason, they started 40 minutes late.

They started with “Dangerous.” Though I wasn't familiar with it at first, it was upbeat, loud, and a great way to start the show. Next was "Islands." Finally, a song I knew! I actually got goosebumps. It’s quite different from their newer sound—so simple, yet with such a unique arrangement. It's a song about fully committing oneself to another person. Then came “Say Something Loving,” a song about feeling infatuated with someone while wondering if those feelings are actually real.

Next was “Crystalised.” This was the very first song I ever heard from them. I was sooooo happy and grooving along with the crowd. Oliver gave a short spiel in that incredibly unique voice of his. Before playing “Reunion,” he said: “I can really tell this is going to be a very good one. Thank you so much for being here, it means the world to us, so we’ve done something special. This next song, this is the first time we’ve played it in five years.”

Then came “A Violent Noise,” a song about moments when everything feels like too much and you just need to "silence the noise." That was followed by “I Dare You,” one of their singles—Millie Bobby Brown was actually in the music video! It’s another catchy, upbeat track that just makes you want to move.

Before playing “Performance,” Romy said: “Thank you for singing along with us, that was really beautiful. This next song means a lot to me and I’m gonna be playing it on my own.” Since it’s so special to her, she performed it completely solo. No special effects—just her enchanting voice and guitar.

Next was “Replica,” a powerful duet about either repeating or breaking away from your parents' mistakes. Afterward, Oliver smiled and said, “Can you keep a secret, Manila? You’ve been my favorite on this tour!” I know artists probably say that in every country they visit, but for some reason, I felt like he was telling the truth. No BS!

Then they played “VCR,” which starts with that simple, xylophone-like sound. It was easily one of my favorite performances from their entire set.

Oliver also said, “This is a place where you can leave anything that is causing you pain at home and just enjoy yourself here.” I couldn't help but let my emotions out for a moment. I’ve been going through some stuff, so hearing him say that meant a lot to me.

Jamie wasn’t left out either—he had his own moment when he played “Loud Places” and “Intro.” “On Hold” was no doubt a crowd favorite. I don’t usually like dance music that much, but with that song—and seeing how much the crowd was grooving to it—I couldn’t help but dance right along with them.

Before they played their last song, 'Angels,' Romy ended the show with a lovely speech:

“We are very far away from home, but you’ve made us feel so welcome, and it means a lot to us. I don’t want to repeat myself, but thank you so much. We always want you to know, every time you see us play, that we appreciate each and every single one of you for being here.”

I could see them, but I couldn’t really make out their faces. I loved the light show—every flash matched the beat of the songs perfectly. Romy’s voice is so soft, yet it sounds so pure. At the end, right when she was about to speak, the crowd just erupted in cheers for her.

After the concert, I was completely blown away. I had such a huge concert hangover that I spent the next few days binge-watching their videos, interviews, and anything else I could find about them.

I finally realized why I gravitated toward them so much. They’re often called the shyest band in the UK—they’re introverts, just like me. They don't play overly complex arrangements, which is why their sound remains so beautifully minimal and stripped-down.

There is no doubt that genuine friendship matters when you're in a band. You can see it in the way Oliver looks at Romy and vice versa. When they sing together, it feels as if they’re singing directly to each other.

Without a doubt, this was the best concert I’ve ever been to. Great crowd, fantastic venue, awesome light effects, and a powerful performance by Oliver Sim, Romy Madley Croft, and Jamie xx.Photos grabbed from When In Manila site.

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Sa wakas

I'm so glad I was able to catch Sa Wakas: A Sugarfree Rock Musical during its final run. I’ve been dying to see it ever since it first opened in 2013. It's the kind of show that will completely tear your heart into pieces.

Pepe Herrera stars as Topper, an aspiring photographer torn between Lexi, a neurosurgeon played by Kyla Rivera-Soong, and Gabbi, a writer played by Justine Peña.

Pepe was the first to walk on stage, flashing a big grin 😁 as if saying "Hi" to the audience. But in a split second, his expression turned somber as the music kicked off with "Kwarto"—a painfully sad opening number. When Pepe sang those first lines, it was heartbreaking yet strangely comforting at the same time. Then Kyla took over the second verse, and the emotional weight was just as heavy.

The story is told in reverse chronology. Within the first five minutes, you already learn the reason for the breakup. "Burnout" serves as their final breaking point. The original version has an upbeat, driving tempo, but for the musical, they rearranged it to sound raw and angry to fit their intense argument scene. I was expecting it to hurt just as much as "Kwarto," and while it hit a slightly different note, it still packed a punch.

Then came "Unang Araw"—hands down the saddest Sugarfree song for me. Hearing those lyrics live about navigating the very first day alone after someone leaves just completely cuts through you.

They paired the song with a storyline: they've been in a 10-year relationship and living together, but all of a sudden, they break up and suddenly miss each other's quirks. That first day is easily the hardest part.

At first, you’d think it’s entirely Topper's fault, but as the story progresses, you won't be so sure. Lexi seems to think Topper's photography career is just a joke, and she barely makes time for him. Even when they do spend time together, she’s always the one calling the shots. Of course, cheating was still Topper’s choice—but Lexi definitely played a part in why they started drifting apart in the first place.

Act I closes on a high note, with the trio coming together for a powerful medley of "Bawat Daan," "Ikaw Pala," and snippets of "Prom."

Bawat Daan is Topper's song singing

maligaw man at mawala
Umikot man sa kawalan
Sa bawat kailan, sino't saan
Ikaw lamang ang kasagutan
Bawat kanan at kaliwa
Kung timog man o hilaga
Ang bawat daan ko ay patungo
Pabalik sa 'yo

Ikaw Pala, Gabbi's song

Nung hindi na nakatingin
At saka ka dumating
Nandiyan ka lamang pala
Di ka lang nagsasalita
Ikaw pala, aking hinahanap
Ang bahaghari ko sa likod ng ulap
Ikaw ang hulog ng langit sa puso kong napunit
Dahil sa dramang paulit-ulit

Prom, Lexi's song

Parang atin ang gabi
Para bang wala tayong katabi
At tayo'y sumayaw
Ng hindi na tayo bibitaw






One of my favorite scene is when Topper and Gabbi is singing Kwentuhan, a defensive song, because it has lines like 

Kwentuhan lang wala namang masama
Puro usap lang ibaon mo na sa limot ang lungkot

Tatawa tayo sabay seryoso unti-unti kang nakikilala
Ang sarap-sarap mo palang kasama
Dati kasi tahimik ka lang palagi ngunit ngayong gabi
Parang kay rami-rami mo nang sinabi

Kwentuhan lang wala namang masama
Puro usap lang dahil gusto kitang makilala...

It implies that while you know you aren't doing anything technically wrong, you can feel that there’s a spark or connection brewing. That scene makes it completely clear why Topper and Gabbi fell into each other's arms—they just clicked.

Another favorite scene of mine features "Ang Pinakamagaling na Tao sa Balat ng Lupa"—I think it’s the second-to-last song. It's a fun, upbeat track, but it also says a lot underneath the surface. Right from the start of the relationship, there are unresolved issues that they both just keep to themselves, bickering and taking subtle jabs at each other silently.

Heto na sya, ang henyo ng henerasyon
Kaya mga kaibigan, magpalakpakan
Lumuhod sa kanyang harapan
Halikan ang kalsadang kanyang dinadaanan
Heto na sya, ang pinakamagaling na tao
Sa balat ng lupa

They finished it with Prom. A very happy and in love song. But of course you know what happened in their story so it's still heartbreaking.





Sa wakas is my first musical. And if you are like me, who grew up listening to Sugarfree songs, then you shouldn't miss this show. You will realized that their songs are so damn sad, but you are a masochist so you will still listen to it anyway. And the people behind the musical are sadist, they know how to hurt us really bad.

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I surrender

Yes, I am alone
No one to call my own
Wandering the streets
Making some beats
I am not weird at all
Yes, it's table for one
I don't have a man
I am such a caveman

Because all i know is
I won't change anything
Because all i know is
No one is born yet...
To love me...
To hug me...
To make me some tea..
To sing me some lullabies..
I will never be a wife..

When I'm on the road
Travelling across the world
Being independent
Making some dent..
I am so used to it
I don't care anymore..
I'm maybe a mess
But you can still be my guess..

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