I surrender

Yes, I am alone
No one to call my own
Wandering the streets
Making some beats
I am not weird at all
Yes, it's table for one
I don't have a man
I am such a caveman

Because all i know is
I won't change anything
Because all i know is
No one is born yet...
To love me...
To hug me...
To make me some tea..
To sing me some lullabies..
I will never be a wife..

When I'm on the road
Travelling across the world
Being independent
Making some dent..
I am so used to it
I don't care anymore..
I'm maybe a mess
But you can still be my guess..

Mute

The silence is deafening
In the middle of the night
No words are spoken
Water became frozen

I want the scenes at the movies
Happy and groovy
The lines are meaningful and deep
But now it's just full of bleeps

Let's talk like normal people do
Trivias? I can name a few
Humor me, I can laugh too
Sing with me, I have a long queue

Treat me like you treat them
Make poems and stories
I will store it in my diary
I shouldn't be too worry

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Pare pareho

Pareho ng kulay
Pareho ng suklay
Pareho ng buhay
Parehong nalulumbay
Pero di mo parin ako gustong makaakbay

Pareho ng cellphone
Pareho ng headphones
Pareho ng wallpaper
Pareho ng newspaper
Pero di mo pa rin ako love, whatever

Pareho ng ugali
Parehong tahimik
Parehong walang imik
Parehong malihim
Pero di mo pa rin ako ang iyong hinihiling

Ba't ang labo?
Pareho naman ng grado
Pero di mo pa rin ako gusto
Nalilito, naliliyo,
sumsuko na yata sayo

Ba't ayaw mo?
Ba't di na lang ako ang iyong kalaro?
Parehong pareho naman tayo
Ako na lang ang mahalin mo

Ang Nawawalang movie review

For several days, I've been thinking of getting myself a turntable. It's quite an expensive purchase. Even the vinyls are expensive. Then I watched "Ang Nawawala". I saw how Gibson (the lead character) get's "high" when he listens his favorite tunes with the turntable. I need one ASAP.

Anyway, I've been wanting to watch "Ang Nawawala". I have the soundtrack of the movie. I love the song before, but now that I watched the movie, it gave me different view. The story revolves with Gibson, who stopped speaking when he was 10. An accident occurred that killed his twin brother right before his eyes. He met Enid, the cool girl at the rock show. Imagine dating a guy who doesn't want to speak, who enjoys music,  who has a serious view in life.

I wrote here before that I liked the scene where Piolo Pascual and Sarah Geronimo talked using the album titles while they where at the cd store. I wondered if where they got that idea, or which films did that first. It seems that Ang Nawawala did it first. Well maybe not first. but whatever. hehe. I love the scene where Gibson and Enid just quietly listen to an old music. Silence can really mean a lot of things.

When things are getting better between Enid and Gibson, Enid realized that she still loves her former boyfriend. She asked why she is getting back to him, she said something like "because it's there". We always look for what isn't there and sometimes forget what is there in front of us. Enid did a Summer Finn to Gibson. that's so sad right? Yep, it ended in very sad note but he did talk so it is still a happy ending.

Can I just say good job to Bogs Jugo :) haha I miss him in the music scene. He was the former drummer of Pupil. I never thought that he can act. I was surprised. My another favorite scene is when Declan (Bog's character) was singing a song to Enid. At that scene you will get the picture, or it gives you a hint that they still love each other. He sang "No end in sight".  The way that Declan looked at Enid.. I was soooo kilig...

I also love the cemetery scene where Gibson and the ghost of his dead brother smoking and crying. It gives you somber feeling.

I hate that they didn't show Gibs talking to his dad. His dad, who is trying to be jolly in spite of all.

Ang Nawawala is one of my favorite movies of all time. A simple love story with a complicated characters who love indie music.

Of Sadness and Despair

She is just a little girl
In a world of sadness and despair
I wanted to whisper in her ear
“Everything will be alright my dear”
But I can’t 
I can’t guarantee that to her
This senseless and unfair world
Is bringing her down 
and no words can make it heal
Wounds are bigger than it seems
Loneliness will always appear
All we can do is to hold on
Take every hurt 
Get all the pain
We will be one day be numb
Of this tiresome cycle
Of happiness and fanfare
Of Sadness and despair

Hallucinations

"Boy, I think we'd look good together. I'd share you my umbrella in the stormy weather
We'll march inside the classroom causing quite a stir
How could an ugly girl get such a handsome man beside her?
Be my trophy boy, while you have an affair
Go frolic with your girl at night, I'm ready to share
I shouldn't care so much, because all I could do
Wait for another trophy boy who's so much cuter than you"

2016 is full of memories with you. I didn't expect to be like this. Early this year, I said I don't like you anymore. But due to series of fortunate events with you, I betrayed myself. I began to like you again. Who can blame me? You are so handsome, and I am a girl who never had a boyfriend. You treated me like I am a special girl in your eyes. But no, it's just in my eyes. To you, I am just an awkward girl you normally see. You are just being nice and friendly. And stupid me, I see it differently. I laugh at myself to think a slightest possibility that you might have a crush on me.

I will always remember our shuttle conversations.The day we shared earphones to watch The Simpsons. The time you touched my hand to get the brush I was holding. The moment when you stared at me while I was eating longanisa. The time we saw each other in the CD shop. The time you pranked me with your exchange gift. The day I pranked you when I gave you my exchange gift. The time we laughed together. The times when we play UNO. The time you said  I am pretty. The time that you were so close to me while eating Wendy's macaroni salad. The moment you stopped going out the room because you saw me, you called me then stare at me for about 5.6 seconds... and so much more.

But I know things will change by 2017. I am open to so much possibilities such as, we won't talk as often as I want to, we won't have the usual conversations, shuttle rides, lunch and merienda breaks we usually have.You will name the girl you are dating. You might leave.

This video sums up my thoughts about you. It really fits our situation :)

The endless cycle

"As we go on, we remember all the times we had together. And as our lives change, come whatever we will still be friends forever"

When someone will say that we will be friends forever, I know it won’t be true. I've heard it a thousand times before. It's such a cliché. That's why I am so sad when people leave. Because I know when they leave, it is already the end. I won't listen and believe to flowery words that we will keep in touch, that we still see each other, that I can contact you when I need you, blah blah blah. I am at my age where I've seen so many people come and go in my life. It's really painful but I don't have a choice but to move forward and meet other people. Then eventually they will also leave. It's a cycle that I don't want to go through. I wan't to skip hellos and goodbyes. I just want to stay in a cycle of making memories. The happy moments. The days when my stomach ache because of too much laughing. The jokes we say to each other. The times we get drunk. The times we console each other when we have bad times. The times when we were so happy that we wish it won't end.

What's worst is to know that the person is not feeling the same way towards you. When they don't cling to those memories you made with them. That you were just a person that made a cameo role in their life. You were just an extra, you are easy to forget because what they have with their lives are much better. Because unlike a Beyonce song, I am replaceable. It sucks.

I wish I will have stronger tolerance with this endless cycle.

Miss mo na ba si Marcos?

Nakabuti ba sa Pilipinas ang Martial Law

Putang Ina Mo

A political nightmare

"We keep on waiting waiting on the world to change. It's not that we don't care, we just know that the fight ain't fair. So we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change. One day our generation is gonna rule the population so we keep on waiting, waiting on the world to change"


It's sad to know that Ferdinand Marcos Jr. or Bongbong Marcos and Maria Leonor Robredo or Leni Robredo are in a close fight for the vice president position. In a perfect world, this situation won't exist. In a perfect world, we never forget history. In a perfect world, we learned from the past.





In the first hours of COMELEC's partial and unofficial count,  Duterte and BBM were leading.
Why it is happening? I can't understand. By evening, I concede. Duterte is our new President. I have so many qualms about him. But I can accept him. On the other hand, I can't, for the love of bleep,  accept BBM. I questioned the Filipinos who voted for him. Then I pondered and realized that Filipinos are known for electing flawed candidates. We voted an action star for president. Then he was guilty for plunder. Then after giving a pardon he was elected as Mayor. He run for President. And... drum roll please... he didn't win.. (YEY!). Another president charged with different cases, now in a house arrest, run for governor and won. And oh, do you know that Manny Pacquiao is not only a boxer, basketball player and coach? He just recently gained a seat as a senator.

I wonder why people still vote for a candidate with a notorious family history. I've read posts, articles and tweets why they voted for BBM.(you can read some of his achievements here) But for me, whatever infrastructure he made, senate bills, windmills he built or how cute is his son Sandro, it won't overshadow the fact that he is not innocent when Martial law happened, he denied thousands of human rights claimants of their due compensation as a matter of a US court decision for which Marcos family is compelled by law to settle, and the never ending issue about their ill-gotten wealth.

In his miting de avance he said "malaki ang utang na loob ko sa inyo. Right from the horse's mouth ladies and gentlemen. When I heard it I smiled and said "yes malaki talaga mga 20 billion".

At the afternoon of May 9, after we voted, Comelec released partial and unofficial results. I can't shake the feeling that BBM was leading. Hey mom and dad, be glad that your daughter can't sleep with  fact that there is a 70% chance that the dictator's son can have the 2nd highest position in the country. I want to pat myself on the back. I'm happy that I have a sense of concern for this country. I slept around 1 am. I don't know why but at around 2:30 am, I woke up, and read my twitter feed. Surprisingly, I am not the only one who can't sleep. Apparently, there were a lot. #labanleni is trending worldwide. Around 3 am, Leni was already leading. I still can't sleep because the lead is still small. But as I read other tweets, they projected that Leni's vote will be higher than BBM. It gave me some kind of peace.

I voted for Leni but I do have some doubts about her too. It's not a secret that she is not the first choice of Liberal Party to be their vp. We also know that she really didn't want to run in any position. I think she was bullied by LP. But of course she said the usual statment: she can't turn her back to serve her country. I don't know why, but I do believe her. She just have the sincerity and purity of heart that I can't see with other VP candidates.

Side note: the most unforgettable statment for me during the Vice presidential debate was from Trillanes. When he asked about his achievements, he said his fight and exposing the truth. He said something like "kung hindi na expose yung corruption ni Binay, siya sana ang president natin ngayon. I like that statment since in 2010 when he was elected as VP, we already know that he will run for President. His 6 year term seems like a campaign than a public service.

Anyway, Leni's "May the best woman wins" is so witty too. Another thing that made me think twice for voting Leni was she said she is not ready to be the President. As a VP, you should have the qualities of a President. You should be ready to be one since at any point when the President can't do his duties the VP will take over. It will be a disaster if the VP is not ready with that responsibility. I do fear that she might be LP's puppet. But after hearing her speak during debates and interviews, I've got a sense that she will be descent enough to not be dictated by the people who brought her where she is now.

Another widow wearing yellow is trying to help change this country. I am not really sure how a VP will be an integral part in our government since our previous VP during debates shared his accomplishments during his stint as the Mayor of Makati. We condemn Mar for the sins of this administration, even the VP condemns him too.. But he is the Vice President for God's sake.

I also hope that, as of this writing she is not yet a clear winner and with only 200,000 ++ lead, she won't be too contented of her current standing. I am still scared since it's very tight race to the finish line.



It's still unofficial that it will be a Duterte-Robredo administration. I don't know if they are a perfect fit  since they are extremely different from each other. I think Duterte will discipline us and Leni will be the one to discipline Duterte. haha.

So buckle up because I know this will be a one heck of a ride.


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Manila and its unknown part

I thought I didn’t like the Manila episode of Parts Unknown. It is not the usual Anthony Bourdain show that I know and love . I thought that they featured few Filipino dishes and focused on the slums area knowing it is a travel and food show.

But I pondered and finished the whole episode. I don't want to accept the fact that I cried on the last part of the show. The good thing is, I learned that I'm not the only one.

They featured on why Filipinos are so damn caring. They did that by focusing on Overseas Filipino Workers. They show how we love balikbayan boxes and that OFWs will throw anything they have in that big box. That inside of the box is worth of thousands of sweat and tears. We have the box so we can have a piece of them because they are miles away.

Filipinos are so damn caring because our government is a trash and we only have one another to take care of each other.

We learn to be strong inspite of the wildest storm, we learn to be brave inspite of the wildest monsters, we learn to sing in the midst of difficulties.

That's the Filipino spirit...

Thank you Anthony and staff for showing the entire world that Filipinos should be known not only because of Manny Pacquiao, but because of the Filipino spirit we possess.

Thank you Anthony Bourdain 💚💜💙 continue to do that with other countries so a part of them will not be unknown anymore.

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Ely Buendia Greatest Hits Dec 2015

This is late post but I just like to post this. So I went to Ely Buendia's greatest hits at Robinson's Galleria with my brother. We were so thrilled that he sang some rare songs like Fruitcake and Christmas Party.  It's one of happiest Ely in concert I've seen. He made jokes like "Music pa more? Or should I say great music pa more?" During Christmas Party, he let us stand and be near at the stage. I was able to hold his hand.. That's one of the highlights of my 2015. Sorry, if it is shallow, but I am a fan since God knows when so pardon me for being a fan girl :)

Sending to the Universe

Just sending this to the universe. Just releasing this from my chest.

Do i really have this aura or personality that makes people not interested at me?
Girls say I’m pretty but I don’t feel it. Actually i think it’s ok that nobody wants me. I’ve been living alone for 25 years. I’m feeling bad because everyone around me seems getting attention from people, and here I am at the corner as always watching people happy and feel loved. I am loved, i am not questioning that, but it’s not kind of love that I am seeing around me.

I am such a looser to remember this one moment happened a couple days ago. This guy, he is one of the cutest guy in our company, we always joke around, when he saw me at the door, he waited for me to come out and give the most pa cute look and stare he can give. It’s good that i have practiced making the No Reaction face. well i hoped i didn’t show that i am really kilig with that look he gave me. Damn you! I know there is no slightest chance that we will be together, i also don’t want to think that he likes me. Please don’t be too pa cute. I am dying inside thinking if there is a tiniest chance that he has a crush at me. If that’s even possible. Well, normal looking guys seems not interested at me, how will a cute and handsome guy will have a crush at me when he have unlimited access to prettiest and hottest girls? I can’t and won’t compete with that. I will just think that he haven’t met a girl who wears a storm trooper shirt and have a darth vader and marge Simpsons lego at her desk that’s why he is giving me some attention that I badly needed.

Acceptance

Today I accept myself. Well sort of.

If I will not let myself be exposed to other people and guys will not make an effort to know this elusive girl then… I will need to accept the fact that I am not made to be with someone else. If my characteristics will not change and can’t find someone who matches my social weirdness, then I need to accept the fact that I will do these things alone: traveling, going to art fairs, bookstores and gigs. God made me to be alone since he thought that I’m completely ok with it or that’s how I perceive myself.

Well I bought a scarf and I have 3 succulents so now I have an old maid starter pack. I accept that I won’t have any kids. Sorry egg cells, but I don’t need you 😢 I accept that I might not feel the kind of love I am hoping for. 😩 I accept that I am a pathetic looser.😫 Admitting this even only in written form hurts pala! 😭 

Thank you N for shaking my head a while ago. I think that’s just what I need to stop this madness inside my head. The crazy thoughts of me and you is just lingering inside my brain. THANK YOU VERY much! Because of you I realized those things. And J, yes you are right, you should pat yourself at the back since I followed you on instagram. Isang karangalan talaga yun.. This is a risky step for me. Exposing myself to you. I don’t like you but I like N, hoping that you will tell what my instagram looks like to him. Or maybe following you is a first step for me to expose myself to other people. Hay you can’t blame a girl for trying ika nga…

Christmas Playlist

The Christmas countdown begins as the months ends with BER. I am in a mood to create a Christmas Playlist. I usually listen to Christmas songs when it is not Christmas. Anyway, this list contains mostly OPM rock alternative renditions or original Christmas songs, so don't expect the usual Jose Mari Chan songs. I have Urbandub in my list! Yeah! You will never expect a Christmas song or upbeat happy song from them, but yes they did cover a Christmas song and so furious that I just learned it now. So here is my list.. Hope you like it.

1) Let it Snow by Imago from Closeup album

2) The Christmas Song by Rico Blanco from My Kind of Christmas album

3) Last Christmas by Urbandub

4) Have yourself a Merry Little Christmas by Ebe Dancel or She and Him

5) Santa Baby by General Luna

6) Silver Bells- She and Him

7) Season of Smiles by Itchyworms

8) So this is Christmas by John Lennon

9) Christmas Morning by Eraserheads

10) Christmas Party by Eraserheads

11) Simbang Gabi by Parokya ni Edgar

12)  I won't be home for Christmas by Blink 182

13) Christmastime by Smashing Pumpkins